All about Ashlyn: Guilt.....

Hi Mama!!!

Staring contest....not sure who won! :-)

We were talking at work today about breastfeeding. One of the ladies I work with only works about once a week and I hadn't seen her since I've been back. She was asking about Ashlyn and breastfeeding and sleeping. All those newborn questions. We got to talking about how much pressure there is to breastfeed. There is SO much pressure, from everyone from your doctor to your best friend to your neighbor down the street it seems. Every medical professional I came in contact with during my pregnancy asked me if I was planning to breastfeed. Strangers in the grocery store felt like it was ok to ask. Friends, co-workers, family, everyone wants to know if you're planning to breastfeed. Every magazine, book and website. Anyway my point is that I think all this contributes to the insane amount of guilt I feel (and other mom's that have problems breastfeeding) about not being able to breastfeed for as long as I wanted to. My plan was to breastfeed for at least 6 months, we made it almost 3 months. In my head I know that this is great, but that doesn't stop me from wondering and second guessing the steps I could've/should've taken so that I might've made it to that 6 month goal. Ridiculous, I know. My friend at work made me feel better. She reminded me of the roadblocks we faced. My milk didn't come in right away because of the c-section; Ashlyn had a tongue-tie that was corrected at two weeks; and she made the decision for me by quitting the breast at 9 weeks. I tried to "make" her, but she won. I'm hoping next time will be easier because the biggest bummer about all of this is that I feel like I didn't truly get to enjoy breastfeeding. I missed out on the enjoyment of it all. To me it felt like work. By the time I fed her, then gave her some formula and pumped it had been an hour and a half and it was almost time to do it again. Ugh!!

So I know I've already done this post, but this is like my online journal. I think its going to be fun to look back in a few years and read my posts and show Ashlyn her pictures. I wish I would've started earlier (mom guilt again) but the first few weeks are just a blur!